one out of a thousand boring wednesdays

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 hey everyone it's clementine here!

it’s wednesday. but not the productive kind of wednesday. i cant tell you what kind of wednesday it is because of how boring today is. it’s just a wednesday that felt like it didn’t even want to exist. i woke up around 9-ish, and then somehow it became 11. and then 1. and then i fell asleep again. and again. and again. like literally nothing was strong enough to keep me awake today. not music. not sunlight. not even the notification from that one groupchat that used to give me a heart attack every time it buzzed (hey ipang are you guys eventually gonna find this blog or?) even my dreams felt bored of me today. they didn’t show up at all lol.

so, in the middle of all that sleeping, i watched this movie called Soft & Quiet. the title is so misleading it’s almost a joke. i saw someone online say they almost turn this movie off because of how disturbing and bleak and uncomfortable this movie is... and i think that’s exactly it. it’s a psychological horror movie about white women who are part of this weird polite-looking white supremacist group. it all starts with pies (this pie is one of the first revelation from this movie and it is JAW DROPPING) and soft-spoken meetings in a church and ends with actual violence. i'm talking about like full on blood and crimes and hatred. the whole thing is shot like one long take so you feel like you’re inside it and tehis movie did not give you any time to take a breather....my blood boils with every frame i'm not even joking. i wonder who wrote the script for this movie because everything that happened and the dialogues feels so disturbing and evil.... i don’t know if i regret watching it tbh. i would rate it mmmmm i guess white-women-scares-me/10?? yeah probably.

my tummy has been hurting all day btw. i think it was the spicy noodles i ate yesterday (and also this afternoon). i keep doing this to myself. now all i do since this afternoon is blowing up the toilet omg i'm so sorry but really i should stop. i should’ve eaten something with rice. or plain eggs. or something my stomach wouldn’t riot against. but no. i wanted spicy. and now look at me. i actually could just cook a friend chicken or something because i just tried this sweet n spicy chicken yesterday and it was so good! i should've recooked it.

you know what? it’s funny how the day still feels long even when you do absolutely nothing. like, i didn’t go anywhere, i didn’t talk to anyone.. but somehow the day still dragged on like it had something to prove. like it wanted me to feel it. “hey. i know you didn’t do anything. but i’m still here.” ok wednesday. chill.

anyway. that’s it for today. no big thoughts. no real revelations. just a weird movie, a stupid food choice, and too many naps. i keep thinking i’ll wake up tomorrow and finally feel like doing something useful again. maybe thursday will be gentler. maybe my stomach will forgive me. maybe the world will stop being so quietly terrifying. maybe not. either way, i’ll let you know. i'll see you on my next post. byebye.

-clementine, xx.

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