Clementine's days out

hey everyone its clementine here. how’s everybody doing? i hope everyone’s doing amazing. i don’t really have anything to say today, but i feel like i need to put my mind into something. i had a fight with my dad, and i feel like i can’t respect him anymore after knowing the full truth about what he did to my mom. i feel so disgusted. i can’t even hold a conversation without wanting to explode in front of him. every word that comes out of me feels like anger. and i’m sad about it. i really am. it’s not like i ever liked my dad ...god no. i’ve never liked him, not even as a kid. but now, it’s like i can’t even pretend anymore. not even a little bit. my mom told me everything she went through because of him. and the worst part is, he’s still doing it now. to my stepmom. hurting her the same way he used to hurt my mom. i wish my stepmom had really gone through with the divorce back in 2021. she was so close. so, so close to being free of him. but then she didn’t. and i think it was a mist...

 hey everyone it's clementine here! it’s wednesday. but not the productive kind of wednesday. i cant tell you what kind of wednesday it is because of how boring today is. it’s just a wednesday that felt like it didn’t even want to exist. i woke up around 9-ish, and then somehow it became 11. and then 1. and then i fell asleep again. and again. and again. like literally nothing was strong enough to keep me awake today. not music. not sunlight. not even the notification from that one groupchat that used to give me a heart attack every time it buzzed (hey ipang are you guys eventually gonna find this blog or?) even my dreams felt bored of me today. they didn’t show up at all lol. so, in the middle of all that sleeping, i watched this movie called Soft & Quiet. the title is so misleading it’s almost a joke. i saw someone online say they almost turn this movie off because of how disturbing and bleak and uncomfortable this movie is... and i think that’s exactly it. it’s a psychologic...

 it's clementine agaaaaaiiinn and i'm so excited to write this review!! i just listened to ORDER chaos ORDER and i think i need to lie down for a bit. okay maybe not a bit. maybe forever. this album feels like when you suddenly remember something you haven’t thought about in years and your chest just goes all warm and sore at the same time. it doesn’t feel like listening to music. it feels like being let into someone’s heart while they’re still figuring out how to hold it. and that someone is calum and i hate it. it’s soft. it’s personal. it’s the kind of thing you listen to alone in your room when the sky is grey and the past memories of those who has parted and left what feels like handprints in wet cement, it just stays forever. calum’s voice sounds like he’s not even singing to the mic. he’s singing to me. like actually to me . and i don’t say that often. this feels very personal, too personal. i hope he brings out more of this part of him. "Sunsetter" is the son...

 hey everyone clementines here.  yes that is absolutely correct i have finished this semester with just 30% of my soul left in me. this semester is insanelyy tiring so i wanna tell u what i have gone through this semester lol. what i'm about to tell you is the recap of what happened in the 6th semester of this year's uni. first of all, it started with such CHAOS. for context, in where i came from, there's this thing called 'KRS' that you need to do in the beginning of every semester and that is you need to FIGHT yes literally FIGHT every single students in your uni to get a your courses. if you're fast and lucky enough you'll get the schedule that you want and also the 'right' lecturer/professors. and also you need to pay your tuition first before you can go to war for your courses lol. okay so all that context now out of the way, in the beginning of this semester, i forgot to tell my parents about the tuition bills LOLL so i paid it off kinda late (...

 Hi everyone, it's Clementine. It's the 1st of February and I need to go back to my study city :(((. I'm not that excited to go back because I feel like I could actually spend a little more days here, but it's too late now I already brought the ticket for today.  This semester's holiday was actually very nice. 10000/10. Everyone who I thought were distancing themselves from me were actually just busy lol. Talking about drama queen There's lots of rebounds with friends, and I'm referencing from the other day's post, I think this is also on of the reason I feel confident about next semester. I'm back on my feet again without having to think all my friends hated me.  I hung out with some of my oldest friends. Hanging out with them really is the antidote of whatever burden I was holding, it was therapeutic. I also hung out with my high school friends. We went picnic, eats good food (like really good), and also exchange stories, it was also very therapeut...

Technically it's not the first day yet. It's gonna start in a few days, and lowkey? I feel confident for this semester. I feel good about it. I've been manifesting stuff (lol a girl can only try) about my life turning to a more positive and even calmer road. I've always been a really stressful, anxious, and tense individual. But I don't really know what happened, these past few months. I have caught myself being a little too composed. I'm proud of it of course, but I really still have no idea what made me calmer. Maybe because my frontal lobe finally developed? Or maybe I just grew up? Growing up in a noisy household made me an easily agitated adult. I'm not trying to blame anyone for my own action, the measure I took towards living my life. But, I do think my angry self really was just my response to the harsh wave of life I absorbed at such a young age.  As I grow, I noticed I've always turn my attention to some hobbies every time my house was being lo...